When I tell people to put their needs first or follow their heart, often their first reaction is to think or feel it would be selfish to do so. They’ve learned that to put your needs ahead of another is wrong. To me, it’s anything but.
Let me explain…
When you put your needs first, you listen to your inner self: your body, heart, and spirit.
You tune in and see if you have the energy to do what they want or carry on as you have.
You check in to see if this is what you desire so your bucket is being filled, not drained.
You feel into whether this is an inner yes or a hard no. Does it light you up or not?
Putting your needs first supports your mental, physical, and spiritual health.
If you do something because you think it would be selfish not to, or you don’t do something you want to do because people will see it as selfish, then you’re denying your needs. You’re putting everyone else — even what you think people might say — ahead of your heart. You’re not in alignment with your Soul. That’s why you feel unhappy, resentful, regretful, disengaged, half there, exhausted, wishing things were different, looking for a way out, venting to your friends…the list goes on.
However, when you check in with yourself and ask, “What do I want?” you honour yourself. You’re saying to your heart and inner being, I see you. I hear you. I love you. Your needs are as important as theirs.
When you put yourself first and fill what’s empty in you, you show up as your whole self in everything you do. You do something because you want to do it. You’re happy to be there. You’re present (and pleasant) with people. And they feel it. So do you.
Selfish, to me, means you show up partly as you — self-ish— because your heart’s not in it.
If someone does something because they don’t want to be selfish, they’re called selfless — self-less. See my point?
If someone says you’re being selfish, they’re really saying, You’re not doing what I want you to do. It affects them in some way, and they don’t like it. When you put their needs first, you dim your light and rob yourself of your inner power.
Try this:
Think of something you really want to do and imagine yourself doing it. Feel how it lifts, lights, and fills you up. Then imagine someone saying you’d be selfish to do it and feel how your body reacts.
If you want to be heartfully happy, it’s time to flip the script.
Instead of worrying about being selfish, focus on being self-full.
Self-full means you are your authentic self. Your heart is filled with love and joy to share with others.
Self-full means you stand in your power. You know and love who you are, and speak your truth. You choose to love yourself first because you know that when your heart is happy, you are too.
If you want to do something knowing you’ll love it, how can it be anything but good? You’ll come back filled with joy. What a gift and example for everyone in your life.
Call it self-love, self-care, putting your needs first, or following your heart; being self-full is anything but selfish.
Who would you rather spend time with, a person who self-ish or self-full? Me, too.
Being self-full means you’re heartfully you — heart-led and Soul-aligned. Feel the freedom and joy of that!
If you’d like help reframing old ways of thinking, let’s have a chat about how personal coaching may be right for you. Book a 30-minute, no-obligation call: click here.
Connecting with my heart reunited me with my Soul’s voice. What began as brief Love Notes From Your Soul gradually became longer and more profound. Love letters, you might say. Each message offers a higher perspective and helps me let go of fears and limiting beliefs to create a life beyond what I once dreamed possible. Now I want to share this wisdom with you so you, too, can shift from worry, doubt, and regret and feel the freedom and joy of a heart-led, soul-aligned life. To hear/read a few recent messages from The Soul Collective, a gift from my Soul (and yours), click here.
