finding happiness…

I’d like to tell you a little story. Perhaps you can relate, not necessarily to the circumstance, but to the story of a heart that longed to be happy…

Four years ago today as I write this, I started a second business. It lasted a little over two years. What I can see now is that it was a stepping stone on a journey that began about 45 years earlier when I lost my voice. By that I mean, I went from being a confident young child to a painfully shy one, questioning all I thought I knew about myself.

Subconsciously, I put up a shield around my heart and hid behind it. It felt safer if I wasn’t being seen or heard. Of course, at the age of six, I didn’t have the intellect or self-awareness to know I was doing this.

Truth be told, this isn’t unique to me. As children, this is what we do when we’re trying to make sense of the world. We hide pieces of ourselves in order to fit in.

Yet, 45 years later, still waiting in my heart lay a desire to stop hiding and become who I was meant to be.

So on November 9th, 2016, I was again saying Yes to my heart. Yes to letting it lead me home even more.

I launched a business called The Gentle Earth Business Network where my goal was to bring together businesses that were making a difference in the world into one place – an online network – where they could be easily found by consumers. It was a big idea with even bigger logistics (which is one reason I folded it).

What I see now is that it was a tool to help me reconnect more with my heart and reclaim my original voice. Because less than a year after I began, I felt a burning desire to create a podcast. ME – a podcast!

I had spent my life as a shy, quiet, stay-in-the-background introvert so a podcast was a HUGE leap that was WAY outside of my comfort zone.

However, I felt I had to do it.

I told myself I was doing it for them – the do-good businesses – to help them get their stories out into the world. Even if I was never able to leverage it (which I wasn’t), I wanted to do it from the goodness of my heart. (Little did I know my heart was doing it for the goodness of me.)

But boy, did my body fight me on it!

A few days before I was to begin recording the interviews, I literally lost my voice. I had full blown laryngitis and was instructed to not even whisper for a week. Coincidence? No way.

If you’ve ever taken a leap outside your comfort zone, you may have experienced something similar – an illness that suddenly and inexplicably takes holds. It’s happened to me several times now so I’ve come to recognize it as my ego’s last ditch effort to keep me safe and stuck in my norm. One final chance to reconsider. An escape clause.

I postponed the interviews but didn’t give up. Soon enough, I had 9 interviews “in the can” and (scarier still) online.

I Felt Great! I had overcome a huge hurdle that had held me back my entire life.

Soon the excitement of the business began to fade. It had served its purpose. I took what I’d learned and fully focused my attention again on this business.

What I can see now is that I was meant to do the podcast, not forever but for a short time. It was part of my journey of coming home to me. It was one piece of my heart that needed to be healed so I could move on, stronger and a little more whole.

I was now freer to be who I was always meant to be.

I’ve always believed that in order to live a happy life, you must listen to your heart.

After watching my dad’s mobility decline and losing my mom to Alzheimer’s Disease years before she left us physically, my heart was aching for me to reclaim my whole self and see what life would be like as the real me – out from my hiding place – before it was too late to enjoy it.

My journey from then to now has required some of the hardest decisions of my life. I’ve had to overcome hurdle after hurdle. But with every step and each leap big and small, my heart becomes more whole and happy. And so do I.

What is your heart asking of you today?
What if you said Yes?