Pardon my language. I’m not usually one for profanity but there’s no pretty way to say what’s likely happening to you, right this very minute!
Here’s the truth – you’re being screwed, and your Ego is controlling the screwdriver.
Every time you let Ego run the show, it tightens the screw one more turn.
With every turn, you’re separated more and more from achieving your dreams and goals.
Your Ego is a tricky devil. It shows up wearing many different costumes.
Fear. Doubt. Worry. Confusion. Guilt/Shame.
Doubt and Fear feed Worry. We think: What if I fail? What if no-one buys from me? What if people think I’m a fraud? What if…? What if…? What if…? And Ego watches in delight. “More fuel for the fire!”, it says, rubbing its demon-like hands together, plotting its next move.
So we wait. We hold off on our dream while Ego fans the flames.
Doubt and Fear grow stronger while weakening us more. And Ego tightens the screw.
Ego tells Doubt and Fear to send us confusing messages: “You might want to do ___ but your kids really need you. What will you have to give up? Maybe now’s not the best time. That’s pretty selfish of you to want that!”
Ego prods Guilt and Shame to remind us of past mistakes: “Remember how you felt when that happened? It will only happen again, you know. Save yourself the shame and disappointment”, they say as they poke at our old wounds.
But Ego isn’t really evil. It’s only doing its job…and it does it very well.
Ego’s job is to keep us safe.
The trouble is, Ego is usually over-protective. I mean REALLY over-protective.
It’s like Ego has stock-piled all the times we goofed, messed up, embarrassed ourselves and “failed”. Then every time we dare to try something new, it holds up its magic mirror in front of our face and says, “Wait a minute, Missy (or Mister), not so fast! Remember this? …and this? Oh, and what about this? That’s right. You get back in your box where I know you’re safe.” And we shrink and step back into our comfort zone once again.
Ego is our lesson holder. It remembers our pain: “You’ve already learned the lesson of disappointment. You’ve already experienced heart-break. No need to go through that again!”
Ego is our protector. Protection is Ego’s way of showing us love. “Be careful!” is its mantra. “I don’t want you to get hurt again,” is its message.
So how do you go after a dream when Ego keeps pushing you back?
You negotiate.
Start by noticing why you’re feeling fear or doubt (or worry or confusion or guilt/shame…). Where is this coming from? When did you first feel this? What happened?
Chances are, it stems from a long time ago, likely when you were a kid, when you needed someone to keep you safe.
Say to Ego, “I know I messed up then. I didn’t know any better. But now I do. In fact, you’re forgetting that time when I tried ___ and aced it! And the time I did ___ and loved it! Oh, and remember the time I was really scared but I did it anyway and it was so much fun that I did it five more times?!”
With every reminder of success, Ego loosens the screw. “Oh yeah,” says Ego, “I guess it’s safer than I remembered. You DO seem more capable now.”
With every turn backward of the screwdriver, Ego sees the little girl or boy in you getting bigger and stronger. “You’re right. You succeeded there. And there. …but I’m still worried,” it says.
To which you reply, “I love that you want to keep me safe, but I’m an adult now. I want to try this. I think it will be fun. I think it will be good for me.” Ego loosens the screw some more.
“What if I take it slow?”, you say. “What if I make a plan and have a strategy? What if…? What if…? What if…?” The screw loosens more.
“What if you help me, Ego, dear friend?”
“What if you tap me on the shoulder when you’re really nervous — just to give me a heads-up that I might be missing something -— and together, we’ll figure out why you’re so worried and how I can ease your fear?”
The fact is, your Ego’s not going anywhere. It will always be a part of you. It will always try to protect you.
The question is, how much will you let it run the show?
If it weren’t for your Ego stopping you, what would you be doing right now?
How can you quiet Ego’s voice so you can take the first step?
